So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize