i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
