All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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