And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
