You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
