yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
