He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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