That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Still dying that you shit outside
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
