We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
