Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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