Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
