So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I want a musical about memes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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