woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
