You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
