She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
