So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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