No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
