Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
