Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
