Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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