im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
