Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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