I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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