woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
