she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
