We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
A+ Viking dick
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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