He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize