My nipple is on Facebook.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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