Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
