apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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