Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
