she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
