There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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