Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
