what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
