i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize