Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
