Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
