Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
