So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
