So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
