i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
