My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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