So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
