I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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