Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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