There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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