Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry bradleycooper619 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(210): View more from Texas

cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens

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(703): View more from Virginia

one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often

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(917): View more from New York City

she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her

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(253): View more from Washington

So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit

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(425): View more from Washington

And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm

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(315): View more from New York

Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.

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