you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
