I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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