you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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