Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Pants are for mortals
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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