So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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