Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
honey bunches of taint.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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