I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
