Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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