Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize