You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
