Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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