i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you had me at cake vodka
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
