But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize