Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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