I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the liver wants what the liver wants
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
