My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
