I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
