OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
