He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
