Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
