the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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