why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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