She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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