I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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