he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
