I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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