I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
