I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
