me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
