Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize