Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
