"it" just moved
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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