is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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