Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
