You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
