Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
