Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
