i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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