just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
