Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
