I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
