My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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