Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize