Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
