Fuck appropriateness.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
