Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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