well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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