friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
