I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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