I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
