Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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