I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
