It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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