I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
