she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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